The birds they sing.
The wind it howls.
The girl sits down and smiles.
the worst
two words
disordered people
will ever
hear whispered
deep in
their mind:
“I’m back”
I need help
I’m not okay
I don’t know what to say
.
I can’t ask for help
No one hears my screams
I’m buried deep inside my cries
.
My eyes stay dry
My voice is still
I pretend the world is fine
(Source: strengthtodance)
I don’t want to remember.
I don’t want the sadness.
I don’t want the world to see me.
I don’t want cry.
I don’t want to hurt anymore.
I just want it to stop.
(Source: strengthtodance)
Silent whispers whirl around
Others tread on fragile ground
Cold arms begin to suffocate
Once they do there is no escape
Words of others with no meaning
Makes it hard to keep on eating
Sadness steals what was regained
Crushing anything that still remained
(Source: strengthtodance)
And again it begins.
It returns without a care in the world.
To destroy what was left.
(Source: strengthtodance)
Crash. Swoosh. Quiet.
.
Walking along the edge
One foot in front of the other
.
Crash. Swoosh. Quiet.
.
Like a tightrope over water
.
Crash. Swoosh. Quiet.
.
Back against the bridge
Wet eyes closed tight
.
Crash. Swoosh. Quiet.
.
One single movement
Not accompanied with goodbye
Four walls all around
One ceiling and one floor
Enclosed with no way out
.
Scratching and screamming
Looking for a door
Nothing but darkness
.
Breathing gets harder
Hope slips away slowly
Panic rises and reality sinks in
.
There is no way out
A tug of war that does not move
A rope attached to a solid wall
You pull and pull but nothing works
Tiring you out with each battle lost
The time between wars provide respite
Yet not long enough to recover
It continues on making you weaker and weaker
Until one day the rope gives in
You come crashing to the ground
My sadness is hidden
Behind weakened eyes
Behind empty laughs
And smallish smiles
.
My tears escape
With quiet gasps
Through closed eyes
And muffled cries
(Source: dancerinthewind.wordpress.com)
Wanting to be normal is harder than being abnormal
Because wanting something that is everywhere
Can be put simply only as pure torture
Seeing people walking and hearing people laugh
Smelling supper being prepared around the city
Walking past people eating in restaurants
Everything is a constant reminder
That there’s something terribly wrong
It’s not the same wanting as wanting an object
It is more a sad and almost weak want
Knowing that being normal is not allowed
Thoughts are controlled as are movements and actions
By demons deep inside and disorders left unseen
Depression holds you down and anxiety immobilizes
Eating disorders make everything about food ans weight
Wanting normal is hard because seeing it is hard
Knowing that you are not able to do things
Things that come naturally to everyone but you
Is so much harder than just being sick
(Source: dancerinthewind.wordpress.com)
Feeding yourself when everything says no
Is harder than simply eating
Everything says it
Screams it
.
Your head
Your mouth
Your hands
Your lips
Your stomach
.
All hungry and needy
Wanting food
Yet four simple words
Outrank them all
“No, you’re too fat.”
Strong reminders of the past
Come from lettle things
Certain smells, songs or the weather
Bring flashbacks of the year before
Simple, quiet, smaller
Sitting remembering and wishing
That things were different
Back to what they were
Less of everything
Less fat, less food, less me
Less, Less, Less
Wanting and wishing to go back
Only to be smaller
Only to be thinner
Only to be better
Hoping for the best doesn’t matter
Simply trying doesn’t work
Working hard doesn’t show
Fighting doesn’t seem worth it
.
People say try and fail but try again
Yet my failing never ends
How many times does one have to fail
Before ceasing all hope
.
Showing others how much you work
Never seems to pay off
Constant failure only reminds you
You’re as worthless as you thought
The blows continue to come
One right after another
There is no way to dodge them
There is nowhere to run
.
Like bombs from fighter planes
Falling faster the nearer they are
Dropping down without a care
Of victims down below
.
Crashing to the ground
Destroying everything in sight
The only thing left behind
Is a lonely broken mess
.
Collateral damage is all it is
Nothing too important
For the size of the site
It’s significance, unimportant at best
